i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize