Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
