I look better un-naked...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
