I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
