I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
