"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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