I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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