my sisters under your porch take her home
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize