i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
