Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
