How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
