I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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