Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize