You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
