YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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