he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
