before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
