She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A+ Viking dick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
