you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
