I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
