i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
is it fun? or sober?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
