It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
