how do flat chested girls get laid?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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