Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
