I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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