Swine flu. Run for my life!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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