haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
