dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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