I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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