Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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