so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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