Where are you?
In a non slutty way
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
