I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
