Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
