my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
