he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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