need another drink. this is the easiest way
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
