dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
