Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
