Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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