Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
