guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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