Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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