I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
