it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
