I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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