I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
