i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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