I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
