I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
