Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
