that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
