when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
