he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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