You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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