Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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