i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
