You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
