Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
