True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
im on a boat
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