hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
